5th July 2022

How to: Have a Difficult Conversation

Name: Campaign Against Living Miserably
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How To Suicidal Thoughts Supporting Mates

Suicidal Thoughts Supporting Mates Mental Health Advice

Talk, talk, talk. When it comes to looking after your mental health, talking is pretty much always the advice you’ll hear. But what if it’s not so easy to just talk? It might come naturally to some people, but having a difficult conversation about mental health and suicide isn’t easy - even for the chattiest of us. And let’s face it, talking about feelings can feel pretty awkward.

But we’ve got you. If you’re worried about your own mental health or wanna reach out to someone you care about, we’ve put together some tips to get you started.

1. Choose a time and a place to chat

The pressure to talk can be pretty overwhelming. We’ve all been there, right? You know you need to speak up, but then your phone buzzes, the baby cries, or maybe the moment just, well, goes…

Avoid putting off your chat by planning a where and a when. Choosing a time and a place can help you to settle any nerves you might have, and also help you create a space where talking is easy and comfortable. We suggest somewhere private, even if that just means taking a call in a different room, or going for a walk.

Here’s how some of you lot did it:

"Plan a time and place, relay what I wanted to say, always goes better than you think"

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"We went for a drive. It’s easier to chat if someone isn’t looking at me"

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"At home, in a safe space I can control so that I’m not overwhelmed by my environment too"

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2. Be direct and honest

Saying ‘I'm fine’ when you’re not is something we’ve ALL done at some point. But when it comes to looking after you head, it’s one of the least helpful things you can do.

If you’re feeling shit, or you’re worried a mate is, it’s tempting to gloss over it, make a joke, or change the topic altogether. Our advice? Embrace the awkward.

In the words of Dr Pepper, what’s the worst that can happen? When it comes to communication, being clear is usually the best policy - and it can even help save a life. Whether you’re worried someone is having suicidal thoughts, or you need to open up about what you’re struggling with, getting to the point in a safe space is what we’re all about.

Here’s how you lot did it:

Wendy, CALM Head of Services : A friend of mine regularly talked to me about her brother who had been depressed for a long while, and at times said life wasn’t worth living. One day, she told me that he had suddenly seemed to get better; had been around to visit family and friends, and was buying gifts for people.

Sometimes, when someone has made a suicide plan they can suddenly seem ok because there is an end in sight. I told my friend about this, and that it could be good to directly ask her brother if he was planning to take his life. When they spoke he said he did have a plan, and thankfully this was the start of him getting the help he needed.”

"I just said “I feel like I’m under a big weight and I’m not sure what to do”"

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"She asked me if I was really okay so I was totally honest the whole time that I wasn’t okay and why"

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"I asked, do you feel unsafe within yourself? She said yes."

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Choosing a time and a place can help you to settle any nerves you might have, and also help you create a space where talking is easy and comfortable

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3. Find another way to say it

If speaking isn’t your bag, you’re not the only one. In the moment, finding words can be HARD. If you’re struggling to figure out what to say, writing it down can be a massive help.

Sometimes we treat our brains like massive ole computers, but the truth is they go into overdrive when we’ve got a million and one thoughts buzzing around. We’re more like floppy disks (if you can remember those) than smartphones. Writing things down is a great way to get all those buzzing thoughts out of your head. And once they’re out there, you can have a conversation, send an email, a whatsapp, a text message. You could read them out on a phone call, find what works for you.

Here’s how you lot did it:

"Through writing & handed it to my GP / Therapist. Writing is easier than verbalising hard things"

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"I sent my mum a TikTok I related to and used it to start a conversation about how I feel"

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"Wrote everything down first to be sure I could articulate it in the moment"

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4. Get professional help

Yeh ok, you got us. We have to say this, we’re literally professional help. But it’s true. You’re not always gonna have all the answers. To be honest, you probably won’t have all the answers even half of the time. That’s why exams suck, right?

Here at CALM we’re all about NOT struggling in silence. If you’re stuck cos you’re worried about your brother, or you’re having suicidal thoughts for the first time but don’t know what to do about it, there’s ALWAYS support out there - from our services directory and our Get Help Guides, all the way through to our helpline and webchat.

Then there’s your GP, mental health services, therapists… no matter what you’re facing, there’s always a way forward, and there’s always someone out there to chat to.

If you need to talk, CALM’s helpline and webchat are open from 5pm to midnight everyday to chat about whatever you’re facing.

Here’s how you lot did it:

Simon, CALM CEO I got a message from a mate telling me her son had dropped out of university. His mood had deteriorated, and that afternoon he’d mentioned not wanting to be here anymore and locked himself in his bedroom.

When she asked me what to do I had literally no idea, so did the obvious thing - I rang the CALM helpline. They told me to advise her to speak to her son ABOUT SUICIDE and make sure he wasn't left alone for too long. Lots of people think that talking about suicide may raise it as a possibility but that's not true. Talking about it helps demystify it, and her son opened up. It worked.

I told a professional i didn’t/dont feel safe. I’m Unable to tell family how low I feel at the moment

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I'm on a waiting list atm but make regular appointments with my GP to check in.

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I went to see a therapist. Wasn't easy, still isn't, keep cracking on though

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Jodie, Self Space Founder: “As a therapist at Self Space, it's my job to talk to people every day. I think of therapy as a place you can come to be met with a combination of compassion and gentle kick up the arse when you need it. It isn't just a place to come at times of crisis (although it is also that), it's a place to come to make good relationships great, to find your potential, to practice a difficult conversation, to be curious about yourself, to speak the sometimes unsaid truths, to weep, to laugh, to share, to sit in silence. It's a place where you can talk through this complex and often messy thing we call life, with another person who has totally got your back"