How to: Get Through Another Anxious Xmas

This time of year is never free from stress, but just as we thought we were in for a ‘normal’ holiday, the cost of living crisis arrives. With 67% of people saying they’re worried about cashing out for Christmas dinner this year - it’s safe to say that headlines have put a Debbie downer on stuff once again.

If your countdown to Christmas has been marked by anxiously checking your bank balance, you’re not alone. Money worries are a big deal at the moment and lots of us are thinking twice about turning on the heating, let alone the festive lights.

At CALM, we know Xmas isn’t a jolly holiday for everyone. There’s stuff that can make this time of year really tough, from family politics to feeling lonely. Add to that all the other worries and well, maybe Mr Scrooge was onto something with that ‘bah humbug’ stuff.

So if the mention of the 25th December has got your palms all sweaty, we’re here to help. We asked our helpline workers for some advice on how to deal with common Christmas anxieties.

“I feel under pressure to buy gifts for friends and family, but I can barely make my bills this month.”

Money worries can quickly mount up this time of year, but no Christmas should come at the cost of your mental wellbeing. It can feel like there’s a lot of pressure to spend – there’s the expensive socials, food and the bills that come with being home more.

The holidays can be brutal on our hard-earned pennies, but being honest with your friends and family about what you can realistically afford is a great place to start. Most people will understand, and many will even be relieved to have an honest conversation about Christmas cash. Chances are, lots of them will be in the same boat.

Swap the present splurge for a secret santa. Instead of buying lots of different gifts for family or friends, pick names from a hat and buy for just one person. Set a budget that’s manageable for everyone and voila, you’ve saved money and time trawling the shops for presents.

The pressure to shower kids with gifts this time of year is real, but there are lots of ways to make celebrations special without spending more than you can afford. Get kids involved with making homemade decs or take a trip to see some local lights - that’s the stuff they’ll remember in years to come.

After some weird lockdown festivities, we know that a memorable Christmas isn’t about the gifts. Instead of exchanging presents you could all chip in for an experience to do together, or bin off the pressies completely and put your focus into enjoying the day, whatever that means for you and the people you spend it with.

“There’s so many social events and I don’t want to tell my mates I’m feeling overwhelmed.”

Time to yourself can feel hard to come by at Xmas, so stop carving the turkey and carve out some time for yourself instead.

Festive gatherings are great, but sometimes you just want to hang out at home wrapped up in a (pigs in) blanket burrito. It’s normal to feel a bit peopled-out after rushing around crowded shopping centres and meeting mates for mulled wine. We don’t mean to sound like the Grinch, but it’s important to enjoy some time on your own too – even if it is just to eat those mince pies meant for Xmas Day.

“I’m meant to be hosting Christmas, but I’m worried I can’t afford it this year.”

Maybe you reluctantly agreed to have the family over but now it all feels a bit much.

If the whole thing feels like a lot, ask everyone to bring a dish and go buffet style, or try something different and swap expensive turkey (or tofurkey) dinners for tacos. You could even suggest that everyone pitches in a bit of cash to help cover costs. People will understand that hosting can be pricey.

Cooking Christmas dinner can also be pretty stressful – there’s never enough room in the oven, something always burns and the chances are, a well-meaning member of the family is calling out advice from the sidelines. Don’t get us wrong, you can’t beat a roast, but there’s nothing stopping you breaking the rules this yule. Take your celebrations elsewhere and head to the local pub or your fave restaurant instead and give the hosts a break.

Finally, if you’re finding things tough financially, you could ask about being referred to your local food bank. Our CALM Guide on financial stress has lots of useful stuff on where to find support for money worries.

“This time of year always makes me feel lonely. How can I feel better about spending Christmas by myself?”

Christmas can be a trigger for tricky emotions – and loneliness is a biggy. Even if you’ve chosen to spend the festivities alone, being swamped by people’s plans on social media can be taxing.

If you’re feeling daunted by a long day alone, divide your time up into stuff you love. Go for a walk at your favourite place, catch up with people on the phone, switch on the PS4 for a games-marathon, take part in an online event or local community group, or make a slap up feast with your favourite foods. Do whatever makes you happy and the day will feel a little easier. And if you need to talk, CALM’s helpline is open from 5pm to midnight on Christmas Day and every day to talk about whatever you’re facing.

Loneliness isn’t all about being alone. You can feel lonely even when you’re with people. From having lots on your mind, to feeling more introverted than usual, it’s normal to feel detached or withdrawn sometimes.

“Spending Xmas with my family is hard. I can't be myself.”

Christmas is a time that a lot of us spend with family - and for some of us, that means not being able to be or feel our true self. Hiding or muting who you are can really take its toll, so try to make sure you carve out some time to chat to people who make you feel good - from Whatsapp chats to an alternative Christmas get together. And remember, there’s nothing wrong with saying no to a Xmas do if you think it’s going to make you feel low about yourself.

“This time of year is meant to be fun but I find it really tough.”

Christmas doesn’t always live up to the hype - it might feel hard to please everyone with your plans, there’s family politics, Covid worries and a lot of pressure to be merry. But the reality is it really is just a day.

This time of year can put strain on even the closest of relationships, so be transparent about how you’d like to spend the time. If that means forgetting the whole thing completely, you do you!

And, if you know someone who’s feeling anxious about things, respect that we’re all coping in different ways. However you choose to do, or not do Christmas, is okay.

Alongside the things we love about Christmas, there’s no denying that it can also be a challenging time. If you’re finding it hard, remember that CALM are here for you 365 days of the year. Our free, confidential helpline and webchat service is run by trained staff who can offer support and advice.